ReaderXDave

It'd been about a month since you broke up with that jerk. He'd started out okay: He wasn't really your usual type, but he was cute, sweet, and knew the finer points of romance. Oh, how you'd enjoyed the candlelit dinners, goodnight texts, and poetry, but....He was a cheater. The night after your very first kiss, you'd caught him making out with a girl ten times hotter than you (at least you thought she was) in the front seat of his rustbucket truck. You'd never gotten to ride in that truck, since he 'claimed' it broke down every five miles.

What always mystified you was how your ex could afford a steak dinner for the two of you, but never had enough to fix his truck. You'd had to drive him everywhere... In retrospect, driving was a pretty fair trade for how delicious that steak was. Cut your thought train off right there, honey. No. Quit making excuses for that bastard. He's gone, dust in the wind.

Sighing, you stared at your phone screen. Your best friend since the diaper days, Leonard, had crammed your phone with texts gushing about his new girlfriend, Sugar. While part of you was absolutely ecstatic for him, your heart panged as it broke into further pieces. Maybe you had gas? You really shouldn't have eaten that third gallon of rocky road ice cream....

Stifling a sob, you shut off your phone, threw it at the wall, then buried your head under your pillow. You cried yourself to sleep, piteously murmuring your ex's name under your breath along the entire trip to Slumber Land.

Sugar's newest crap-try solo spilled through your bedroom, waking you up. You shot up, catching a glimpse of your mussed-up hair and red eyes in the nearby mirror. Now, more than ever, you cursed Leonard for stealing your phone, giving Sugar your phone number, and, as if that weren't bad enough, making her terrible music your default ringtone. Cussing under your breath, you fell out of bed, still tangled in the sheets, then scooped up your phone from the spot you'd thrown it last night.

“Hello....?” You cringed at how croaky and frog-like you sounded.

“_______!” Sugar bellowed cheerfully. “You're meeting Lenny and I at McDonald's, right?”

In your mind, you were groaning. While you appreciated that Leonard and Sugar wanted you to feel included in their lives, you couldn't stand the thought of playing third wheel yet again. At this point, you'd prefer to be ignored by them for a month, let them sow their honeymoon-phase oats while you leveled up your elf mage in Jewel Crafter. You wanted to hang out with normal Leonard, not lovestruck Leonard and overbearing Sugar.

“McDonald's....?” You really weren't in the mood for greasy food this early in the morning. After binging on junk last night, your colon could really use a break. Or an extended vacay.

“Leonard texted you about this last night.” Sugar sounded irritated. “We're all going on a double date! Remember?”

Your eyes widened. “Um....I never agreed to this.”

“Oh, you'll like him. He's a really nice guy!”

“Who is he?”

“Get your butt over here!” Sugar demanded as she unceremoniously hung up.

Grumbling under your breath, you quickly combed your hair, tugged on a pair of jeans, and your favorite baggy Jewel Crafter T-shirt. Sugar would have an aneurism over your 'too-casual' outfit, but then again, McDonald's wasn't exactly the most romantic spot for a date, now was it? Maybe for Sugar. And, of course, that's all that mattered. She'd become the unofficial ruler of both your and Leonard's lives...

Fifteen minutes later, you wandered into the fast food restaurant. Your nostrils were pelted with the scent of french fries and your ears were assaulted by the loud shrieks of playing children. Nerves frayed, you wandered further in, watching elderly patrons chew oatmeal like cows chewing their cud and jaded employees staring into the distance and wishing they were anywhere else but this-

“_______!” Sugar and Leonard smiled at you, waving emphatically from a very cramped, very tiny booth. Poor Leonard was gripping to the edge of the bench by his fingertips. Every time Sugar moved even an inch, Leonard scrambled to keep his precarious perch.

Despite yourself, you gave a weak half-wave and a squiggle of a smile slipped onto your face. A very creepy-looking plastic statue of Ronald was obscuring your date. So, every step you took towards the booth, your gaze switched from Sugar's face-splitting grin and shining eyes, to the eerily similar expression plastered on the Ronald statue's face. A shiver erupted down your spine as you crept around the inanimate clown and took a seat next to a complete stranger.

To your utter surprise, he wasn't as unappealing as you'd been expecting. He had short-cropped dark hair, tan skin, and chocolate brown eyes. His hands were folded on the table top and he was staring out of the window; he had a gloomy, sullen air about him. Oh, God, could you relate. What excuse could you fudge to get out of here....?

“You're not....” he murmured.

“Dave!” Sugar trumpeted, pounding the table top with open palms. “I thought we agreed that you wouldn't talk about her!”

“I thought she was coming....” Then he looked up at you, his eyes so full of disappointment and heartache it made you want to cry. Biting down on your lip, you started scooting towards the other end of the bench, lightly bumping your toe against the Ronald statue. There was no way you'd be able to sneak away covertly...

“I never promised you a date with her!” Sugar shook her head. “It's been two months now, Dave. Come on. You should be over it by now.”

“I shouldn't have come.....”

“Hey!” Leonard spoke up now, sounding a bit angry. “You're not even giving _______ a chance. How do you think she feels about-?”

“I'm actually on the same page as he is,” you cut in, glaring at the two of them. While you as the Total Drama Pahkitew Island fan know exactly who the mysterious 'she' is and are disappointed that the author hasn't made Dave magically attracted to you instead....the you in this story is frustrated. Every passing moment is just one step closer towards you becoming a boiling vat of intense white hot fury.

“This is the thanks I get for doing you a favor?!” Sugar's face was turning red with anger. “You were such a sadsack, _______! I couldn't bare how you were getting so hung up over what's-his-face. Especially after Leonard told me what a creep he was. Dave here is a really nice guy. He got dumped by a floozy-”

“What? What did you just call her?!” Dave stood up, a slight whine in his voice.

“A floozy....” Sugar narrowed her eyes. “She's a two-timing floozy.”

“Take it back!” Dave's nostrils were flaring like an agitated bull's. “Take it back before I...I.....”

“Sugar!” Leonard cried, tugging at her arm. “Stop it!”

“It's not my fault that Sky-”

“Sky?!” Your eyes widened in recognition. “You...you don't mean....”

Leonard met your eyes and nodded somberly. The revelation hit you like lightning striking a lightning rod. Intense flashbacks zipped through your mind's eye: Your ex-boyfriend, Keith, tangled up in Sky's arms, their lips locked....

“No....” you whispered, your heart beating more slowly now.

To your horror, Leonard only continued nodding like a bobblehead set on an infinite loop.

As if by fate, Billy Ray's “Achy Breaky Heart” started up. Even though you absolutely hated this song, the tears were already flowing. Your nose was running like a faucet. Another round of wails started up. Briefly, you shot a look at Dave. His face was scrunched up like a pug dog's, tears rushing out of his eyes like waterfalls.

“Oh, you two are such spoil sports!” Sugar complained.

A huge lump caught in your throat, you hopped up and scurried past the creepy Ronald statue. You rushed across the restaurant, followed by Sugar cussing, and many confused stares. The moment you exited, Leonard appeared out of nowhere, his face etched with concern.

“_______....” he started.

“Why did you let her do that?!” you sputtered, jabbing him in the chest with your index finger.

“She means well. She really does-”

“Sure.” You snorted and folded your arms. “It makes perfect sense to set me up on a blind date with Sky's ex-boyfriend.”

“He's not her ex-boyfriend,” Leonard said matter-of-factly. “She was dating Keith when they met....They flirted a lot. It's complicated....” Leonard shrugged. “Okay, I guess you could technically call Dave Sky's ex-boyfriend.”

“None of that really matters!” You clenched your fists. “What does matter is that I don't appreciate being foisted onto a complete stranger and then...just....Gah! I'm not over Keith yet. Okay?!”

“Dave knows what you're going through,” Leonard protested. “He can understand your pain better than anybody else possibly could. Maybe if you give him a chance, you'll get over Keith and he'll get over Sky. And...you'll become friends and fall in love and...Sugar explained it much better than I can.” He looked towards his shoes. “I have a few love potions, if you want. That's how I got Sugar to-”

“No. No to all of that,” you grumbled. “You're completely missing the point.”

“But, _______, Sugar and I just don't want you to feel left out.”

“I don't feel left out, Len. I feel suffocated. If you really want to help me, be my friend. Not my matchmaker. Same goes for Sugar,” you sighed.

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Perhaps a happiness spell-?”

“Stop. Just stop. I'm going home. I'll see you at the next LARP event, 'kay?”

“What about Dave?”

“What about him?”

“Do you want his phone number?”

You gave Leonard the meanest, iciest glare that you could manage as he pulled a Sharpie marker out of his jeans pocket and scribbled a number on the back of your hand.

“That's your number....”

Before you could yank your hand away, Leonard crossed out his number then wrote out another different one. When you finally pulled your hand away, Leonard gave you a weak smile and a thumbs-up.

You'd washed your hands sixteen times. The Sharpie was a faded, blurry smudge, but if you looked at Leonard's writing intently enough, you could still make out the phone numbers. Groaning, you looked at your phone. Sixteen unread messages from Leonard, forty from Sugar.

Snorting, you returned to Jewel Crafters, snorting as you pressed down harder on the 'up' arrow key. Your teal skinned, white-haired elf had such long, limber legs, but he wasn't running nearly as fast as you'd like. Suddenly, your phone blared and you yelped a cuss word, vowing to break the damn thing if it was Sugar calling.

When you picked up your phone, it was an unfamiliar number. Shrugging, you answered.

“Hello?”

“Hey, _______, right? It's Dave.”

“Who gave you my number....?” You started tapping your desktop.

“Just...just hear me out. We've both been spurned. I'm not over Sky yet and you're not over Keith, right?”

“Brilliant observation, Captain Obvious,” you groaned, jabbing at the space bar.

“What if we pretend to date?” You could hear the smirk in Dave's voice. “Make those two jerks jealous. They'll come crawling back, begging-”

“No. Never call this number again.”

You hung up and returned to your game, stewing in silent fury. Even though you didn't know Sky in person and had stopped watching Pahkitew Island after episode 3 when Leonard was voted off, you'd figured one thing out. Sky had terrible taste in men.